Don't like the change to the new "feed" page instead of my friend's page- also no one seems to post here anymore anyways. Gonna head over to my tumblr and start using that, I guess. Well past time.
I TRIED LIVEJOURNAL. I TRIED.
It is the end of the school year and the last day of classes and I can't believe that time has flown by so quickly. I feel like I am doing what I need to be doing- what I want to be doing, and what I was maybe always meant to do.
Although, I also feel like I wouldn't have been a good teacher if I weren't this old (does this make sense?). When I was 22, I was too scattered, too anxious and maybe too self-absorbed to be a decent teacher. Now I have a better sense of who I am, and feel more confident in my own skin. I can do this, and I can do it well, and it will be a good career with decent prospects for me (if I stay in the North).
It's going to be hard to adjust from being the teacher to being the student again in the fall, but I feel like I'm more motivated now and ready to take on whatever challenges might come. Going to teach the heck outta stuff.
My friend Jesse: "everything you say actually becomes twice as funny when i remember how your voice sounds"
Right, this is why I've been trudging through school again- teaching is awesome :D
I've been in my teaching placement for almost a week now, and it's been so busy. I've already taught my first lesson and I've been busy trying to figure out everyone's names and get the content sorted out... I have three unit plans to put together over the weekend, and lesson plans and materials to prepare.
BUT THAT'S WHY I'M HERE and it feels amazing. I love being in the school and getting stuff ready and trying to get these kids to do some learning WHETHER THEY WANT TO OR NOT. YEEEEAH.
We are going to have so much fun :D
28, another year.
I don't feel any older this year, but I also definitely feel like I'm taking longer to get where I want to be than I'd like. But that's also nothing new.
I feel like I should write some kind of 27-year-end-reflection, but I've got nothin'.
I think I need to change from having quarterly goals to something that more closely matches the rhythm of the school year, at least while I'm still a student. I have a month left of classes and it really doesn't make much sense to me to try to set goals for what is going to be an awful two weeks of crapping out some shitty final projects that I don't care about then a complete change of pace for May/June as I head into my first practicum placement.
Things I care about this quarter:
Things I don't care about:
I'm looking forward to teaching middle school science, and I hope that I can make it as fun as possible (there is a seventh grade lab assignment I want to do that basically just involves CRUSH CRUSH CRUSHING things, and I think that's going to be amazing).
As much as I hate school and am bored and frustrated with it, however, I'm pretty happy with all the rest of my life and how I spend most of my time. I've been spending a lot of my time volunteering and helping friends and listening to audiobooks and reading for pleasure and knitting sweet socks and I like my job and the people I work with... I just hate that school is all boring frustrating busy work and I'm learning nothing. I wish it were harder, and that the only challenge I felt wasn't how-to-motivate-myself. Because it's shitty to get stuck pumping out boring go-nowhere worth-nothing projects just to get through to graduation. Shit feels like high school all over. vom
I feel like I'm doing a good job on my two Q1 goals (log calories, wash dishes daily (ok so it's been more like almost-daily, but I feel like I'm doing a totally adequate job so that's fine)) and I'm going to add "go for a short walk before bed every day". This will help me complete my pedometer goals, and may help me to sleep? Who knows. At the very least, I'm more likely to see the aurora when it's out if I make a point of going outside late every evening.
Got a real tired, go-nowhere kind of feeling lately. Not ideal.
Maybe just winter wearing me down?
Mild disappointment, but still. I'm pretty disappointed in my courses this semester, which is unfortunate especially because I was really looking forward to this term. Due to last minute schedule changes, I'm going to miss having one of my favourite profs for my Teaching Art class. Instead she's been replaced with one of my least favourite teachers and the syllabus has been changed completely around and instead of learning anything about implementing arts programming or theory behind fostering creativity in the classroom etc. etc. ... we're just doing crafts and listening to stories. This is not something that feels like a productive use of my time, and I resent the changes. Additionally, my Teaching Math course is less about theory and methods, and more about "this is how to do grade six algebra".
I know I'm just being a baby whining "waaah my academics aren't challenging enough", but- interesting that this should be a common thread in my life. Having written that out, I realized that I also complained in Budapest that my program wasn't difficult enough, and I've actually been sad about this since forever. Maybe the problem is that I'm not doing enough to challenge myself in these programs. When I chose independent study projects that I do find challenging, I also find them rewarding and exciting. I should try to refocus my efforts in that direction- connect my studies across subjects (eg. a Health project developing a unit on friendship for elementary students connects to teaching how to make friendship bracelets in Art?) and spend as little time as possible on boring ass busy work.
In conclusion: stop whining, Heather. The solutions are in your hands.